About 5 years ago I become the Guardian of an Octogenarian due to dementia – she was hospitalized for a kidney stone she could not pass during which she was diagnosed and I was given power of attorney. I knew this octogenarian all my life, it was my mom. It was a blow to me and was not prepared. Don’t get me wrong looking back there were signs but who of us wants to see those? Trust me, listen to that voice, listen to her friends, don’t justify it. Get it checked out. If one can prepare for this do it! If the hospital gave me resources I wish they would have followed up with the shock wore off. My personality and dementia do not mesh. I want to fix it – if by brute force – I want it fixed. You cannot fix dementia. Period. Let alone through BamBam techniques. Those make it worse, those with altered brains have awesome awareness. It’s like they have a super sixth sense – they can read your energy before you are in their eyesight. After many years of failing with this diagnosis, I got a bit better due to talking to some folks and reading a book called “The 36 hour day” which was recommended by a coworker. That helped tremendously.
I write this not for sympathy but for a place for those of us with aging parents to share – I am going to ask for mainly funny stories. We all need that and frankly, my crew has plenty of funny parent/grandparent stories.
Top three lessons to date:
- YOU HAVE to change they CANNOT
- Reminding them they did something doesn’t help them retain/recall they hear “You are stupid, you can’t remember”
- You do not have to be right or correct them – Just go with it… whatever it is. It does not matter in the long run, it hurts no one. Absolutely no one.
- Example: My mom thinks she still works. Just ask her how her day was, was her boss nice. Who gives a crap that she has been retired for over 20 years?!
My first funny story:
When my mom was diagnosed with Dementia she was hospitalized originally for a kidney stone. We were out to breakfast and she passed out. Flat out cold at the table. Her age being 83 I automatically assume a stroke. She is unresponsive; out cold. I call 9-1-1. So does the restaurant. The restaurant (Love you Andreas) clears all the table near us they know EMTs will bring in stretchers. They cleared our breakfast without me realizing it (Again thank you, Andreas, in Cudahy WI). EMTs come, load my mom up but because she had passed out and was just coming to as they got there they needed to send her vitals before taking her the three blocks to the hospital. The bus that originally arrived did not have the equipment. They get another one and back them up, roll her from one to the next. The new bus has a very young, faired haired probie and a veteran. The first bus has two guys who’ve been around. The youngin is trying to talk to my mom, get some info he then says to her “ma’am I need to put some stickers on you to get your vitals. I may need to get personal” She’s still not fully out of it, so I say to her “Ma, he needs to go to second base with you” she looks at him, looks at me and says “well he’s no George Clooney but ok” This kid literally blushes through his scalp. The three veterans literally fall out of the buses laughing their asses off. Yup, that’s my mom, she’s back!
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